Assignment 4-1

Laura Levesque
Assignment 4-1

In the article about Zachary Carr, an 18 year old from Bangor Maine who is appearing in court for shooting and killing John “Bobby” Surles last week there were a few things in the article that would have made it a lot more effictive.
In class we talked about different ways that you can make a leading paragraph catching to a reader and make them want to carry on reading the article, and unfortionatly this article did not do a very good job with any of the ways. Leading off with a quote, in my opinion, can be very effictive, it is a great way to catch the readers attention and really let them know what is going on or going to happen in a sentence or two. This article starts off
Bangor- 18 year-old Zachary Carr remained silet in court Monday, although, he did motion to who friends that came to support him.
“He would not just murder someone in cold blood, he would not. It’s just messed up that he’s here and Bobby’s dead,” said Chantel Nielsen Ashby, a friend of Carr.
Although this dies give the reader a little bit of information, it is not gripping. There could have been something about why he was in court or at least an overview of what happened so that someone who was not following the story cuold know what was going on.
There are also a few places in the article that had some funky things going on with their wordings. I found “Carr has been chared with one count of murder for the shooting death of 19-year old John “Bobby” Surles last week” to be a weird sentence. I am not sure if the journalist was trying to dress up the sentence, but if anything, it made it sound wordy and not well writen.
There were also a few spots in the article where their word choice was not very well. They were using the same wods a lot to describe something and the sentences I found really short and choppy.